Be Your Own Person

The many lives of us.

2009-04-13T07:30:00.000-07:00

We often tend to think about ourselves as one person, about our life as one life, but in reality there can be many lives in this one life.

For example it is now 10.3o am and I am a writer, I write to express things that have become part of my life and made it more efficient, settled, rich, wealthy, healthy and inspiring. And for 1 hour I am a writer in front of the keyboard and I am just that and I enjoy it thoroughly.

At 11.30 am I will be hungry women! and will switch to the life in me that loves food, cooking, arranging a plate like it is a celebration. The wife and nurturing life in me will anticipate the return of the family by getting something out of the pantry or starting some stewing, or at the very least prompting me with questions like "ok, what's for dinner?".

I will eat and at 12.30 pm, I will put my Personal Development Coach hat on and be totally with my clients, I will be in the coach life of me that has no agenda but the ones of my clients and their growth, revelations, moving on, aha moments (loads of those!!)...

At 6 pm I have an appointment with a very dear friend for a walk in the woods, then I will be a friend and a confident. (and a walker!)

When I come back I'll slip into the family life again and will be present for all the quality time and the needs of the family.

So that's one day in Catherine's life or lives, where she is a writer, a woman, a wife, a coach, a friend... and many more in between.

I have found that identifying the different lives in my life allows me to keep intact, balanced and present, it allows me to be here and now, and the highlight here is just as much on the "be" as it is on the "here and now".

If you find you need some help to define and live those different lives, just click here to send me an email.

© 2008 Cornerlight Coaching BYOP.

Do you have to?

2008-09-03T06:06:00.000-07:00

If there is one expression I hear a lot it is: “I have to”, “I have to do the cleaning”, “I have to go shopping”, “I have to be there for him or her”, “I have to listen to their problems”, “I have to be a good employee”, “I have to be happy”, “I have to have that new car”, It always amazes and saddens me as well, how much people have to do or be or have… and how little they choose to.

And in many cases my answer is “no, you don’t!”. You don’t have to but you can choose to. Having to is abdicating your power over your own life to something out there that controls you, in the expression “I have to” there is no place for choice, decision, reflection, real growth,
or stamina building, have to is a sterile place.

Now, choosing to is a different story altogether, listen to that: “I choose to clean the house”, “I choose to go shopping”, “I choose to be there for him or her”, “I choose to listen to their problems”, “I choose to be a good employee”, “I choose to be happy”, “I choose to have that new car”, “We choose to move in a bigger house”, “I choose to be strong”, “I choose to put up with it”, “I choose to make things happen”….
Can you hear and feel the difference? Can you see the shift in responsibility? Choosing to is taking the control of your life, choosing to gets you going, gets you acting and not reacting.

"I have to" closes, it is an end, "I choose to" opens new possibility, it is a beginning, a starting point.

Have is a possession that possesses you, not the other way around, after all, you can’t take any of your ‘haves’ with you in the end. Life is a choice, hopefully motivated by a well reasoned ‘why’.

Your assignment:

Try it for yourself for a week, replace all your “have tos” by “choose tos” and see for yourself how much more of your own person you can be.

Are you struggling with this assignment? I'm here to help, contact me here for a 20 min free get-acquainted session.

© 2008 Cornerlight Coaching BYOP.

Beat The Blur

2008-07-31T14:34:00.000-07:00

Most people today live in a blur. They cannot see the forest for the tree, let alone the path in between the trees that will get them to where they really want to go.

To illustrate this further, suppose you want to create a painting, you gather all your different colors and display them nicely in front of you. From there, you can see all your possibilities, and you can decide to mix some to create new colors and new shades. This tidy display opens a whole world of coloring possibilities. It creates a space in which you can work and express yourself. Now, imagine you want to paint but you are starting with all your colors mixed up in a blurry brown…! Suddenly you don’t have a world of coloring possibilities anymore, you have brown!

It can be the same in ones life, how many times, for example, does work-life get mixed up with family-life? And the next thing you know, you are telling your family what you should be telling your boss or allowing your boss to treat you like a child.

The trick to beat the blur is to make the right separations, physically and mentally. With the right separations in place you can see clearly what you have, what you need, what you want and be inspired to paint your own portrait, to be your own person.

Your assignment:

Is your life blurred? Or are there parts of your life getting mixed up with others? How so?

Can you separate things and display them in front of you like colors on a palette? (Example: one of the color on my palette is the “me” color and it has different shades like “health/fitness” and “finances” and “dreams” and “life purpose”… )
Your turn, write your different colors/lives and their shades on a paper.

What kind of tools can you create to keep the right separations in place? (Example: My coaching practice is home based. In order to avoid business and family lives mixing up, I have put a few tools in place: separate office space (with a door that locks), two distinct email address… and a business hat, which I only wear whilst working. That tool not only reminds me that this is working time in case I get distracted, but also reminds everybody around me that I am not available for other matters.)
Now your turn what have you got in your toolbox? What can you put in your toolbox? You can be as creative as you want.

Struggling with this assignment, I can help, click here to receive my newsletter and a 15 mn free get acquainted and goal setting session.

There's more to life!

© 2008 Cornerlight Coaching BYOP.

Minding your own business

2008-07-04T04:45:00.000-07:00

We all take care of business: work, family, home, pets, bills… and if we stop for a second we may realize that what we call our business is often everybody else’s business.

When was the last time you really took care of your own business? I mean something that comes from YOU, not your partner, your boss, your children, your neighbor, your friends, your in-laws… and that you do for YOU. When was the last time you actually took time for YOU?

Minding your own business doesn’t mean being selfish and forgetting about your responsibilities, no. It means “caring for your best asset”, YOURSELF. And caring about it NOT tomorrow, NOT when I’ll have time, NOT just after I finished that project or that next load of laundry. It means HERE, NOW, and REGULARLY.

Give yourself the time and space TODAY to discover what YOU NEED, PLAN it and DO it. As simple as that!

Your assignment:

As you finish reading this newsletter, right now, take 20 minutes just for you breathe deeply and (without judging) do something for you: walking, sleeping, singing, stretching, dancing, reading, having a coffee, breathing, making Pilates, putting on make up or body lotion….

Whatever it is, do it for yourself and do it 100%, be HERE and NOW, savor it, and don’t allow anything to get in the way whether physically or mentally.

Reconnect with yourself, listen to the wisdom inside. In the
same way as Mother Theresa said “We need to find God, and He cannot be found in noise and restlessness.” There are more subtle part in you that can be found in noise and restlessness.

If you really can’t do it right now, take an appointment with yourself and make sure you don’t miss it!

At the end of the 20 minutes make an appointment for another session tomorrow. You can even plan for a longer session, how about 40 minutes next time?!

Trust me, not only you’ll feel better, you will also get better at handling everything else.

Be your own person and live the life you really want.

Struggling with this assignment, I can help, click here to receive my newsletter and a 15 mn free get acquainted and goal setting session.

There's more to life!

© 2008 Cornerlight Coaching BYOP.

Labels...

2008-06-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

How many time did you judge yourself today? How many times did you say: "How stupid! I did it again! What's wrong with me?" or "I always do that. That's me! This is not my forte." or how many times have you felt that something would be great but it is not for you?

For many years I judged myself, and one judgment I had about myself was that I was NOT A MORNING PERSON. And facts would often prove me right. I would sleep right through my earth-shaking alarm clock, ringing phone and hungry-scratching-jumping cat! And then, of course, I would have to run out the door in a hurry, all stressed and dishevelled. I believe I tried about every trick in the book... and then some!

Until one day I realised I had been looking in the wrong direction all along. If I had been a tennis player I would have been looking at racket the all game instead of the ball. There was nothing wrong with me, there was something wrong with the way I was thinking.

So I stopped judging myself, comparing myself to others, labeling myself as a "non-morning-person" or anything else for that matter. I stopped diminishing my potential by closing myself into a box and chose the BYOP way, I slowed down, trusted and opened to possibilities: "I am a human being and as such I have the ability to be whatever I need to be, I can be a morning person on Monday and an evening one on Tuesday, and anything in between on any other day if need be."

Then I asked myself the questions: "what do you want for your life? How do you need to be to get there?" ...and move on with my life.

Your Assignment:

Listen to yourself for a week, without judgment! And take note of your label or labels. What are those and why do you have them? Are they actually yours or did somebody else put them on you and you took them on board?

Then take the BYOP way: slow down, trust and open to possibilities:
"I am a human being and as such I have the ability to be whatever I need to be, I can be ______________ one day and ______________ on another day, and anything in between on any other day if need be."

Then think about the questions: "what do I want for my life? How do I need to be to get there?"

Remember: labels are for pants and cars, not for YOU.

Be your own person and live the life you really want.

Have your wish fulfilled

2008-05-06T13:38:00.000-07:00

I am sure that like me you have wished/prayer some times, wished you got that job, wished you didn't loose that job, wished you met that special someone, wished they/he understood, wished you didn't break you leg, wished you did better, wished you had more money, wished it was easier, more comfortable or different...

I have come to the conclusion that we actually get our wishes fulfilled but maybe not in the manner we imagined them in the first place. I think we have a wish/want/goal and we get the exact tools we need to get there, life creates the conditions in which we will develop what is necessary to move forward and learn. It can an event happening, a person we meet, a book we find, a road we take...

The key there is to be clear and know what we want and then be open and ready to travel the path that will get you there.

© 2008 Cornerlight Coaching BYOP.

To learn more about Cornerlight Coaching. click here .

Made in the image of God

2008-04-07T06:32:00.000-07:00

This morning I found myself thinking about this reference in the Bible that we are created in the image of God.

My questioning here is a rather humble and practical one, what does it mean? I mean practically. If as a human being, I am created in the image of God, what does it mean for me? in my daily life?

Maybe it says that like God is creating the world, I am also creating my world. And choosing what is part of it or not. Will casualness, lazyness, stress, ego, selfishness, hypocrisy, fatigue, discouragement, limitation, contradiction... be part of it? Or truth, care, kindness, energy, inspiration, love, generosity, humility, persistence, constancy, intelligence, continuous learning... openness?

So how is your world?

To learn more about Cornerlight Coaching, click here .

© 2008 Cornerlight Coaching BYOP.

Are you a morning person?

2008-03-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

Up to 2 days ago I would have said no to that question. And it is true if I look at my record I am not the rise and shine with the birds in the morning. However two days ago I had a presentation at 7am which meant waking up at 5am. And I did it, very simply, very neatly, at 5 minutes to 5am I woke up, my mind was clear and I felt rested. Then whilst in the shower I felt grateful, grateful for these lives inside me who faithfully serve me without complain, or blame, or judgment, and who despite my own mistrust and disbelief, allowed me to wake up clear and rested and "be a morning person" that day, and do what I had to do.

I was grateful because those faculties in me showed my that it is my choice to be a morning person or not or to be anything for that matter. It is my choice to be strong, to calm, to creative... it is my choice to make judgment based on the past or to give the benefit of the doubt.

What is your choice?

To learn more about Cornerlight Coaching, click here .

© 2008 Cornerlight Coaching BYOP.

What do you want?

2008-03-07T07:02:00.000-08:00

Such a small and simple question!

This is a question often answered by generalisms or material buyouts: "I want to be happy, I want to have money, time, fame...", "I want a new car (or one that's fancier than the neighbor's car), a bigger house, the best toys, a new cell phone..."

The thing is that generalisms and material answers are falling too short or too long or beside the point. Because when you honestly try to answer that question, for the answer to feel right it has to be about what "I" want, what does that LIFE THAT IS UNIQUE wants?

So...
How about I want that person inside me that I KNOW is capable of SO MUCH more to get out into the world and do those things I know it can do.
How about I want to live a purposeful life.
How about I want to stop perceiving my life, beyond tomorrow, like a fog of endless repetition.
How about I want to know myself so I can take control of life.
I want to do more, faster, set goals and reach them.
I want to be my own person.

Your turn! What do your want?

To learn more about Cornerlight Coaching, click here .

© 2008 Cornerlight Coaching BYOP.

In the dark

2008-03-06T10:53:00.000-08:00

I am looking out my window and the winter reminds me that most happens or maybe "brew" into the unseen. In the garden I can't see the flowers seed, yet I know they are there preparing for the signal spring will send. The plants inside have already started to grow flowers, it is amazing they seem to appear from nowhere somehow. One moment it is just leaves and the next there's a flower.

I wonder sometimes what is happening in the dark places of me and what flowers will appear with the spring, the next cycle?

To learn more about Cornerlight Coaching, click here .

Snowy Morning

2008-03-05T06:38:00.001-08:00

It is snowing this morning, all the little trees are looking like little snowmen in the garden and the propane tanks have knitted pointy hats for themselves during the night.

Snow is gracefully covering everything, the trees, the grass, the garden, the houses, the car, the garbage can, the mailbox, with a peaceful buffer, everything looks beautiful and sparkly.

And I find myself wondering, what do I gracefully cover in the many areas of my life? What are the things in my life I should dig out and look at again and maybe share with others.

To learn more about Cornerlight Coaching, click here .

© 2008 Cornerlight Coaching BYOP.

How it all happened

2008-03-04T06:04:00.001-08:00

Many people have asked me over the years how I came to become a "be your own person” expert. Believe it or not, I was standing in your shoes a few years ago, not clear about the future or about how I wanted my life to be, feeling like I could only figure as far as the end of the week, wondering how I was going to find the right person for me, and then something happened. One day, I was having a coffee with a friend and in the midst of the conversation she said "Well, you know, a man is not a necessity to life". Then she went on saying of course we all need love and attention, of course it may be easier to be two in daily practical terms but at the end of the day whether we are alone or accompanied we are complete, we are our own person. And it was like a pile of bricks just fell right on my head! At that moment I realized that unconsciously I had always been defining myself against somebody else, I had been waiting for somebody else to define me, to validate me, I had bought into the “better half of” thing instead of being my own person, being a whole individual, complete in my own right.
I came to realize at that moment that I had been coming from my weaknesses instead of my strengths simply because I didn’t know my strengths and this was particularly a problem in relationships because guess what I seem to always attract the wrong kind of people.

That night when I came back to my apartment I made the commitment to do whatever it takes to bring definition and purpose into my life, know myself, my values, strengthen my core, become an independent woman knowing that only from that place in my self will I be able to truly relate to the world and to others.

And I did just that, the first step was stop using loneliness (or anything else for that matter) as an excuse. The second step was forgiveness to myself (and others) for having waited to so long to get there. The third step was about clarity, who I was doing things for, was it for my parents, my friends, my boss or truly for my own self. That step included to sort out all kinds of emotions that would fog my vision. The fourth was about the reasons, finding or adopting the right reasons to act. And the final step was to elevate from reason to value, from understanding to upholding, from helping myself to helping others. Through this process I built that inner core that gives me today strength, clarity and meaningful relationships.

Soon people around me, friends, family, and colleagues began to notice the change. They started taking me aside and saying “Catherine, I envy you your ability to say no when necessary.” Or "I envy you your clarity of mind". And later, after I met the man who is now my husband “you are so lucky to have met such a man!!!” to which I would answer that there was actually little luck there but rather the knowing of what I wanted and didn’t want in my life and the strength to stand by those.

Slowly, some of my friends started to ask for advice and help and I started to work with them on a regular basis. Then they asked if I wouldn’t mind working with their friends or their daughters. The next thing was “Catherine you are bringing so much why don’t you take clients?” I studied the possibility for a while and realized that helping women become truly strong and independent was definitely what I wanted to do with my life. And the complete change of life that I lived whilst immigrating in Canada was the perfect opportunity to make that career change and dedicate my time and energy to helping women take their life in their own hands and materialize the rich life they always wanted to have.

To learn more about Cornerlight Coaching click here .

© 2008 Cornerlight Coaching BYOP.